


Bond, Jane Bond

by iwouldbemerry



Series: Bond, Jane Bond [2]
Category: James Bond (Classic movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Female James Bond, Gen, Pay Attention to Secretaries, Rule 63, They rule the world, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 09:53:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21474070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwouldbemerry/pseuds/iwouldbemerry
Summary: Movie by movie breakdown of how Jane Bond would kick ass, take names, and generally be twice as effective for half the effort as her male counterpart
Relationships: James Bond & Eve Moneypenny, James Bond & Platonic Female Friends, James Bond/Donald Grant (James Bond), James Bond/Dr. No
Series: Bond, Jane Bond [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1547899
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	1. Dr. No

Jane was a friend of Strangways’ secretary and takes her disappearance personally. Rather than try and play poker with a handful of good ol’ boys, she talks to their secretaries and gains their confidence and access to their files

She doesn’t belittle Sharkey’s fear of the ‘dragon,’ taking that as a hint of the island’s unnatural defenses, making a report to M about unpleasant ‘inclement weather’ and needing the necessary gear

Honey is much less suspicious of another woman and heeds her warning, escaping the island before they’re shot at and her boat is ruined

Sharkey doesn’t die in the flames of the ‘dragon,’ since Jane’s report was obliged with flameproof overcoats. They both still have to be decontaminated but don’t take as many rads from the toxic mud. 

Rather than expose herself as the agent, making Sharkey expendable, Jane has Sharkey tell Dr. No that they’ve both taken their potassium iodide pills as soon as getting the radioactive readings off the professor’s seat so that they don’t kill him as a useless local

Because he’s curious about such a strange duo, Dr. No invites them both to dinner for a preliminary investigation, though he does insult MI6 for scraping the bottom of the barrel and boast about how they'll all regret underestimating him (Jane, mentally, thinks "You first")

Dr. No is still aware she works for the British government. Intrigued by Jane’s demure but coy demeanor, he drugs them and molests her in her sleep, touching her lips and gazing at her naked, unconscious body. When she awakes, he offers her beautiful dresses to replace her ruined clothes, and a place at his right hand if she will ‘join’ him/betray Sharkey, who he successfully believed is another undercover agent

When she refuses, he throws her in a cell and tortures Sharkey for information, since he doesn’t believe Jane is as much of a threat as a man no matter his color

Jane escapes through the pipes and finds Sharkey, helping him to escape

She’s caught investigating the inner workings, since no women scientists work in the inner sanctum

It’s too late, as she’s already used one of her earrings to send a distress signal to MI6

Elsewhere, the Navy vessel on the way found Honey and Sharkey and learned about the island’s defenses, causing them to make it safely to the facility

On the island, Jane grapples with Dr. No, who forcibly kisses her and vows to teach Jane ‘a lesson about a woman’s place’

Using a hidden blade in the other of her earrings, she stabs him, enraging him enough to try to crush her neck with his prosthetic hands. She disables the mechanism in his hands with another gadget, her fake engagement ring (a super-strong electromagnet) as he chokes her, then pulls his hair and maneuvers him over the edge of the platform into the boiling nuclear water

When the Marines get to her location, she’s wearing a stolen jumpsuit instead of the short silk qipao and drinking a glass of No’s brandy, and asks them what took so long

Back in England, she gets Honey a job at the Museum of Natural Science, since she had memorized all her father’s research and even continued it

In an undisclosed location, SPECTRE learns of No’s demise and begins to make plans to deal with Jane...


	2. From Russia With Love

SPECTRE still uses Romanova to get to Jane, and Klebb asks Tatiana how far she would go to serve her country. Would she kill? Would she seduce? Would it matter if it was a man or a woman? Tatiana is clearly uncomfortable at the thought but agrees, out of fear, to do whatever it takes.

They pose her defection as hinging on the gender of the agent who retrieves her-- when the request is made to MI6 from the eastern station, they say that Tatiana will only meet and cooperate with another woman, which automatically rules out the rest of Jane’s coworkers.

Jane is very aware this is likely a trap, but reluctantly aware it might be real. She can also relate to not trusting male enemy agents.

M only lets her go with the understanding that there will be another Double-Oh waiting in the wings as backup, traveling in parallel so she can call upon him if needed.

Klebb, after manipulating Tatiana, goes to find the SPECTRE assassin Grant, who strangles a prostitute dressed as a spy with his bare hands (she thought they were roleplaying) before telling Klebb that, though this was his first time killing a woman, it was even easier than he expected, and it would be no trouble to eliminate Jane.

Upon her arrival in the city, Karim Bey is delighted to meet Jane and takes her to a very fancy dinner to explain the balance of power in Istanbul. He makes it very clear he would love to sleep with her but accepts her declination with good cheer.

When the inexplicable escalation of violence begins, she insists on traveling with Karim to the Romani camp to investigate despite his reluctance, as Romani men have different ideals about women than most of the West (though not as different as they'd like to think).

Undaunted, she comes anyway, and ends up finishing the fight between the two women by calling out the man they’re fighting over and dressing him down about how despicable his behavior is, playing them off each other like that. They all become friends and enjoy the feast right up until the attack. 

Grant saves Jane by killing the sniper, though she doesn’t realize or see exactly who saves her. 

Jane meets with Tatiana in her hotel room-- Tatiana in a state of undress, and Jane as she had already begun to undress for bed. Jane notes Tatiana’s discomfort and the two women discuss their route West. Compromising pictures are taken of them both in their nightclothes, though neither of them are aware at the time.

They launch their attack on the embassy and steal the Lector.

Jane provides a dark wig and new clothes for Tatiana, and they pose as sisters to avoid suspicion on the train. Karim volunteers to be Jane’s husband but when she laughs at him, poses instead as their uncle so they don’t appear obvious traveling alone.

When Karim is killed, Jane lets his son know and triggers the signal to her Double-Oh backup, aware it will be much harder to make it through without a man in the party.

Grant has been following her the entire time. He learns enough to pose as the Double-Oh, and joins them under the guise of being Tatiana’s husband, who will travel back with them to england. He's very, very upper class, and very patronizing. This is unfortunately in-character for some of the Double-Ohs, and is not enough alone to be a clue.

Jane is suspicious, since she knows all the Double-Ohs, but Grant assures her he’s wearing a new disguise from Q branch and has been on assignment so that's why they haven't met recently.

She sees him drug Tatiana’s glass and knocks it over, but misses his injector signet ring.

She helps Tatiana back to their train compartment and immediately draws a gun on him, demanding to know why he’d drugged her.

He tries to play it off, saying the plans had changed with Karim’s death and that his orders were to get Jane and the Lector safely back, and that they no longer have the option to take Tatiana.

Jane refuses to even consider leaving her behind, knowing it’s a death sentence, and it’s the contempt in his eyes that drives it home that he is an enemy.

Jane wings Grant but it’s such a small space and he’s got a longer reach, so he overpowers her. He prepares to kill Tatiana, and explains he’s SPECTRE’s vengeance for Dr. No. He tells her about how they'll frame her death as a murder-suicide, and disgrace her reputation with the intimate photographs that were secretly taken in Istanbul. He brags about how he has followed her for weeks, saved her life, and knows her better than most at this point.

He tells her how much he’s going to enjoy killing her, and that he might even make it quick if she’s nice to him.

Jane’s hands are visibly shaking as she nods her acceptance, and turns her face up to meet his in a kiss.

Then she bites his lip, grabs his lapels, and judo-throws him over her hip and through the train window to his death.

Tatiana wakes up enough to escape the train with Jane, and they make it to the flower truck. Jane splits away and lets the other agent be distracted by a half-swooning Tatiana, then comes up behind him, disarms him politely, and makes him drive them away at gunpoint.

When the SPECTRE helicopter starts dive-bombing them, she uses the strap of her special crossbody bag as a sling to throw a magnetic grenade (hidden in a powder compact) at the helicopter, destroying it in one shot.

They reach the speedboat, and that sequence stays pretty much the same because the explosions are awesome (and Jane, despite her general appreciation of efficiency, enjoys when she has an excuse to indulge her pyromaniac side).

Tatiana is good friends with Jane after all they’ve survived, so when Klebb reveals herself in the hotel, she locks eyes with Jane, silently urging her to realize something is wrong.

Jane’s gun is just out of reach when Klebb draws on her, so she taunts the older woman with how wasteful it is to throw away an agent as skilled as Tatiana.

Between the two of them, they overpower Klebb and manage to pin her foot down before she can nick herself with her own poisoned knife.

MI6 gets to debrief Tatiana and the captured SPECTRE officer Klebb AND the Lector they were originally promised, which makes Jane look amazing!

Since Tatiana helped above and beyond the initial agreement with the Lector, Jane is able to leverage her assistance to get her a good job as a dance teacher at her alma mater, an all-girls school in London, since she remembered Tatiana training as a dancer from her file.


End file.
